The lead on the other hand has no charisma whatsoever. But, with no story, at least none that is told in a coherent way, no character development or motivation and no sense of culture or the world the characters caricatures inhabit it not only fails as a Conan movie, it fails as a movie. And that is another problem, after the first act young Conan nobody has any character. He's not Schwarzenegger, but that's a good thing. The movie serves as an origin tale, focusing the first half of the movie on Conan and his life experiences with his father. Nothing special in any way, shape or form.
There is no immersion here. It will prove to you that no matter how much action, blood or one liners you squeeze into a movie, if the story and characterization are missing you don't have a movie. Remarkably, the movie gets bad immediately and stays that way. Just straight to the review. It may have lots of sorcery, but it truly lacks magic. Director Marcus Nispel is undoubtedly the long-lost offspring of trash master and fellow German, Uwe Boll, as this film is so profoundly awful on every level that it's hard to think that it wasn't intentionally made this way. Number 3, where are the sidekicks? I'd seen the original a long time ago.
Personally I am a fan of Jason Momoa. James Earl Jones' Thulsa Doom worked better, likely because he was so unique. If Lord of The Rings was Peter Jackson making love to the audience, Conan is him self pleasuring himself in a dirty motel room. Alas, this Conan the Barbarian only has the costume and set design going for it. That's one of the reasons I found this so much fun to watch. The new Conan is bad Hollywood fantasy made by talentless hacks.
The battles are timely placed, as is the massive amounts of blood and nudity, but none of that really matters. However, the barbarians vanquished Acheron warriors and broke the Mask into pieces and divided among the tribes. None are ever fully realised before Conan jaunts off somewhere else. Everything else is pretty much a disaster. In short the film looks great, is decently acted, has a Morgan Freeman sound-alike narrating, offers plenty of imaginative action scenes and is just altogether entertaining, which is the most important thing.
The camera is misplaced, the editing focusing on the wrong points. It's hard to conceive of a better Conan. Although it had some of this, it wasn't enough. Number 6, they didn't hire a lead designer and that shows they should have. It is just that bad of a movie. It's a case of violence for the sake of violence, which gets dull by the 90-minute mark, plus the last act is just comic booky overload.
The music score is not as memorable, or as epic or as haunting. When he is celebrating in a tavern with his friends, he sees a thief being chased by a guard and Conan recognizes him as Lucius Steven O'Donnell , the Khalar Zym's soldier that he cut the nose out. And that movie was terrible At least in that movie you could tell what was happening during the action scenes. I'd seen the original a long time ago. But the 2 actors who stole the picture was Ron Pearlman as Conan's father and the always great Stephen Lang, as the bloodthirsty Khalar Zym. Old Boy and the Hammer, and there isn't a single cut in that, or any fast camera move, it's just good old fashioned choreography and stunt acting. So visually it almost always worked.
Sold into slavery and forced to labor endlessly turning the massive Wheel of Pain, he grows tall and strong. After the beginning sequence though, the movie starts to fall apart rapidly. The others - Lang, great, Perlman one of my fav. Even if you're making a B movie it doesn't excuse it. Moreover there are no charismatic sidekicks or even interesting other characters. This score definitely won't be celebrated 30 years later like Basil's. The barbarian Cimmerian village of chief Corin Ron Perlman is attacked by the evil warlord Khalar Zym Stephen Lang that wants the last piece of bone of the Mask of Acheron to resurrect his wife.
Howard's plots were not 'deep', his target audience was sexually frustrated 15 year old boys. Pearlman literally cuts the baby out of her stomach, and she names him Conan with her last breath. This movie was doomed,bashed and trashed before it even stepped into production,first because of the director and then because of Jason Momoa. It moves at such a pace that I found it impossible to get bored. The basic story is this: as a Morgan Freeman sound-alike tells us, a long time ago there were these bad guys, the Acheron, who had this bone mask which made them really powerful, but the Barbarian tribes united and beat them to a pulp and they destroyed the mask with each tribe keeping a piece of the mask so that it can't be united again. Well then the tribe gets slaughtered by the evil warlord and conans dad is killed. One thing - avoid the 3D version, it's positively pain inducing.
There are more grunts and warcries than lines of dialogue and those spoken feel like the actors are running them in rehearsal for the first time. The world we are shown is vast and expansive. Instead, it moves briskly and at times feels like it forgot its own way. The 3D post-converted looks good and works well in the film. Another thing that I found really disappointing was that Conan himself was just not brutal enough. I am not a Conan fanatic but if you put the word Conan somewhere in a movie title I guess as a Director you need to understand what is the essence of a Conan movie You owe it to your audience; you owe it to yourself Number 2, the script is bad and as soon as Conan's Mother opens her mouth to name his son before she dies we know we are in for a treat of bad dialogs and overall silly script.
Sure, there is lots of action and fighting, but there is no emotion behind it. Stephen Lang, as usual is good, but again, he has nothing to work with, so he stands and acts mean a lot. The one thing that really took me out of the world of the film, is the dialogue. This movie has all that you'll expect from Conan movie-it's brutal there are buckets of blood and violence ,there is magic,little bit of boobs,battles,creatures etc,etc. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it gives Conan plenty of killing to do while also sending him to exotic locals filled with half-naked women to charm. Can you actually imagine Momoa in that scene? I was actually bored half way through of the fighting and wanted some damn character scenes, of which there are none of note. As I said, Momoa embodies the character well but where he really sells it is in making swordplay look awesome.